I go through periods where I’m super self confident and can reassure myself. Sometimes. Sometimes, I can have the best outlook on life, and nothing particularly scares me because I’m so optimistic. Sometimes.
But other times, for no reason, that smiling person comes crashing down and there is little I can do. I know there is something I can do, but I just haven’t discovered what it is yet.
You then lean back and feel like a loser and watch your self assuredness dance away with its back turned on you. And suddenly nothing you are saying or doing comes out the right way to the people around you, no matter how good or well meaning your intentions. And you then hate yourself for it because some deep part of you wants to reach out to them and you just can’t seem to make it work, because every time you try to express yourself it comes out in words that no one wants to hear, not even you. So you’re quiet and suffer in silence in order to spare everyone and make it worse on yourself.
This is the place I am in now.